Jerry Springer Show
The Jerry Springer blog!
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Sorry kids, been a little slow with updating this blog, but thats ok. Im a very busy person.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Random Jerry Springer Skit I Found
THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW
Crowd: Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!
Jerry: Today's guests are here because they can't agree on fundamental philosophical principles. I'd like to welcome Todd to the show.
Todd enters from backstage.
Jerry: Hello, Todd.
Todd: Hi, Jerry.
Jerry: (reading from card) So, Todd, you're here to tell your girlfriend something. What is it?
Todd: Well, Jerry, my girlfriend Ursula and I have been going out for three years now. We did everything together. We were really inseparable. But then she discovered post-Marxist political and literary theory, and it's been nothing but fighting ever since.
Jerry: Why is that?
Todd: You see, Jerry, I'm a traditional Cartesian rationalist. I believe that the individual self, the "I" or ego is the foundation of all metaphysics. She, on the other hand, believes that the contemporary self is a socially constructed, multi-faceted subjectivity reflecting the political and economic realities of late capitalist consumerist discourse.
Todd: I know! I know! Is that infantile, or what?
Jerry: So what do you want to tell her today?
Todd: I want to tell her that unless she ditches the post-modernism, we're through. I just can't go on having a relationship with a woman who doesn't believe I exist.
Jerry: Well, you're going to get your chance. Here's Ursula!
Ursula storms onstage and charges up to Todd.
Ursula: Patriarchal colonizer!
She slaps him viciously. Todd leaps up, but the security guys pull them apart before things can go any further.
Ursula: Don't listen to him! Logic is a male hysteria! Rationality equals oppression and the silencing of marginalized voices!
Todd: The classical methodology of rational dialectic is our only road to truth! Don't try to deny it!
Ursula: You and your dialectic! That's how it's been through our whole relationship, Jerry. Mindless repetition of the post-Enlightenment meta-narrative. "You have to start with radical doubt, Ursula." "Post-structuralism is just classical sceptical thought re-cast in the language of semiotics, Ursula."
Crowd: Booo! Booo!
Jerry: Well, Ursula, come on. Don't you agree that the roots of contemporary neo-Leftism simply have to be sought in Enlightenment political philosophy?
Ursula: History is the discourse of powerful centrally located voices marginalizing and de-scribing the sub-altern!
Todd: See what I have to put up with? Do you know what it's like living with someone who sees sex as a metaphoric demonstration of the anti-feminist violence implicit in the discourse of the dominant power structure? It's terrible. She just lies there and thinks of Andrea Dworkin. That's why we never do it any more.
Ursula: You liar! Why don't you tell them how you haven't been able to get it up for the past three months because you couldn't decide if your penis truly had essential Being, or was simply a manifestation of Mind?
Todd: Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Ursula: It's true!
Jerry: Well, I don't think we're going to solve this one right away. Our next guests are Louis and Tina. And Tina has a little confession to make!
Louis and Tina come onstage. Todd and Ursula continue bickering in the background.
Jerry: Tina, you are... (reads cards) ... an existentialist, is that right?
Tina: That's right, Jerry. And Louis is, too.
Jerry: And what did you want to tell Louis today?
Tina: Jerry, today I want to tell him...
Jerry: Talk to Louis. Talk to him.
Tina: Louis... I've loved you for a long time...
Louis: I love you, too, Tina.
Tina: Louis, you know I agree with you that existence precedes essence, but...well, I just want to tell you I've been reading Nietzsche lately, and I don't think I can agree with your egalitarian politics
Crowd: Wooooo! Woooooo!
Louis: (shocked and disbelieving) Tina, this is crazy. You know that Sartre clarified all this way back in the 40's.
Tina: But he didn't take into account Nietzsche's radical critique of democratic morality, Louis. I'm sorry. I can't ignore the contradiction any longer!
Louis: You got these ideas from Victor, didn't you? Didn't you?
Tina: Don't you bring up Victor! I only turned to him when I saw you were seeing that dominatrix! I needed a real man! An Uber-man!
Louis: (sobbing) I couldn't help it. It was my burden of freedom. It was too much!
Jerry: We've got someone here who might have something to add. Bring out ...Victor!
Victor enters. He walks up to Louis and sticks a finger in his face.
Victor: Louis, you're a classic post-Christian intellectual. Weak to the core!
Louis: (through tears) You can kiss my Marxist ass, Reactionary Boy!
Victor: Herd animal!
Louis throws a chair at Victor; they lock horns and wrestle. The crowd goes wild. After a long struggle, the security guys pry them apart.
Jerry: Okay, okay. It's time for questions from the audience. Go ahead, sir.
Audience member: Okay, this is for Tina. Tina, I just wanna know how you can call yourself an existentialist, and still agree with Nietzsche's doctrine of the Ubermensch. Doesn't that imply a belief in intrinsic essences that is in direct contradiction with the fundamental principles of existentialism?
Tina: No! No! It doesn't. We can be equal in potential, without being equal in eventual personal quality. It's a question of Becoming, not Being.
Audience member: That's just disguised essentialism! You're no existentialist!
Tina: I am so!
Audience member: You're no existentialist!
Tina: I am so an existentialist, bitch!
Ursula stands and interjects.
Ursula: What does it [bleep] matter? Existentialism is just a cover for late capitalist anti-feminism! Look at how Sartre treated Simone de Beauvoir!
Women in the crowd cheer and stomp.
Tina: [Bleep] you! Fat-ass Foucaultian ho!
Ursula: You only wish you were smart enough to understand Foucault, bitch!
Tina: You the bitch!
Ursula: No, you the bitch!
Tina: Whatever! Whatever!
Jerry: We'll be right back with a final thought! Stay with us!
Commercial break for debt-consolidation loans, ITT Technical Institute, and Psychic Alliance Hotline.
Jerry: Hi! Welcome back. I just want to thank all our guests for being here,and say that I hope you're able to work through your differences and find happiness, if indeed happiness can be extracted from the dismal miasma of warring primal hormonal impulses we call human relationship.
(turns to the camera)
Well, we all think philosophy is just fun and games. Semiotics, deconstruction, Lacanian post-Freudian psychoanalysis, it all seems like good, clean fun. But when the heart gets involved, all our painfully acquired metaphysical insights go right out the window, and we're reduced to battling it out like rutting chimpanzees. It's not pretty. If you're in a relationship, and differences over the fundamental principles of your respective subjectivities are making things difficult, maybe it's time to move on. Find someone new, someone who will accept you and the way your laughably limited human intelligence chooses to codify and rationalize the chaos of existence. After all, in the absence of a clear, unquestionable revelation from God, that's all we're all doing anyway. So remember: take care of yourselves -- and each other.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Steve Wilkos Stats
If you are a Jerry Springer fan, chances are you are also a Steve Wilkos fan.
Here is some stats on the beefed up guy who is the head of security on the Jerry Springer show.
These stats (some info may be outdated) were taken from: springersmeninblue.com
Name: Steven J. Wilkos
Birthdate: March 9, 1964
Name you Prefer to go by: Steve
Height: 6' 3"
Weight: 225 pounds**
Eye Color: Blue
Marital Status: Single
Children/ Number: 0 (outdated)
Education: Lane Tech High School, graduated 1982
Occupation: Head of Security -The Jerry Springer Show/ former Chicago Police Officer
Years with Show: 8
Favorite Food: Steak & Spaghetti
Favorite Music: All Kinds
Any Pets: Dog (Dena) Mixed Breed (outdated)
Hobbies: Baseball, Golf and Bowling
Sports Fan? Huge baseball fan, Love the Cubs, Football
Friday, April 15, 2005
Jerry Springer's Love Line
Ever wanted to hook up with a guest you have seen on a show?
Now you can, hahaha.
Check it out HERE...
Jerry Springer's Love Line
Ever wanted to hook up with a guest you have seen on a show?
Now you can, hahaha.
Check it out HERE...
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Get Drunk With Jerry Springer
Ever wanted to get drunk with Jerry Springer?
Now you can!
Check out this Jerry Springer Drinking Game HERE...
Friday, March 25, 2005
Punish Jerry Springer
Dont like Jerry Springer? Or mabey you just want to throw a chair at him or something like that....
Check out this funny Jerry Springer interactive cartoon HERE...
Monday, March 21, 2005
"Mama's Sleepin' With My Man" - Jerry Springer Show notes 03/21/2005
Segment 1 - A skinny athletic black women wants to find out if her man has been sleeping with her mom. When her fat disgusting mother comes out she admits that she in fact HAS been sleeping with her man. She says she does this because she has always liked him. The mother and daughter brawl it out on stage. The mother says that she spent all her time taking care of her "slut" daughter. When the guy comes out he says yes, he did sleep with her mom. He gets nailed in the face with a big slap from his girlfriend and the mother charges. They brawl it out some more before Steve and the boys break it up. The boyfriend finishes by saying that his girlfriend was never there for him and her mother was. He says that it happened and its done with. He wants to be with his girlfriend.
Segment 2 - A young slutty looking women on stage is here to confront the girl that has been sleeping with her girlfriend. The other girl comes out and she is alot thicker then the other one. She says that yes, she has been sleeping with her. The two lesbians fight it out on stage and bother shirts are ripped off exposing the women's breasts. When the women they are fighting over comes out she says that she has given up everything for her girlfriend and has not got anything back. The three fat lesbos battle it out some more. They fall on the ground and their shirts come up exposing their rolls. It is quite disgusting if I may say so myself. The crowd makes an "ohhhh" sound in horror. Jerry cracks a joke "dont worry, shes not stripping anymore." The crowd begins chanting "fat whore fat whore fat whore!"
***sadly enough there was not a best audience comment this time. They were all very uncomfortable comments that were not even close to funny.
Friday, March 18, 2005
Jerry Springer Video Clips
"Man Trouble" - Jerry Springer Show notes 3/18/2005
Segment 2 - A middle aged red head who looks and sounds like she is drunk is here to tell her husband that she wants him back, but she is engaged. She says the women her ex husband is with is a stripper and a psychopath. She comes out and yes, she is in fact a a psycho path stripper but she says the redhead held up a convient store with her finger! She admits to this and Jerry cracks a few jokes about the finger (mabey one too many). The two bitches eventually get pissed off and start swinging. The stripper's saggy tits nearly fall out of her shirt. They continue to make fun of each other. The guy comes off and he looks like a joke. He comes out yelling at the stripper saying he doesnt want to be her. He kisses his ex wife. His ex wife's fiance comes out pissed off saying her ex husband hasn't changed and will be a broke ass on the couch in a week while he is working taking care of someone else. She decides to go back with her ex husband anyway and live a normal life with her kids.
Segment 3 - A 41 year old black man is here to tell his girlfriend that he is ready to commit. He also wants to tell her that he has been messing around with 5 women behind her back to find other "prospects" for marriage. His big titty girlfriend comes out pissed off as hell. She smacks the shit out of him and they argue on stage. She flashes her huge boobs to the audience to show them what her boyfriend is losing. She says she is not going back with her boyfriend. The audience chants "go home with Jerry!" and she gives Jerry a big hug.
***Best comment from audience: Older guy - "Do us all a favor and find a new shirt to put on!"
Fat black women - "gimme yo shirt! gimme yo shirt!"
The guy takes off his shirt and gives it to her, she puts it on and he sits down shirtless!!
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Group to act over Springer opera
A Christian group is to bring a private blasphemy prosecution against the BBC after the corporation screened Jerry Springer - The Opera on Saturday.
Prayer group Christian Voice said the hit musical was "totally offensive".
The BBC has received 900 complaints since the broadcast, with 500 people calling or e-mailing in support.
Those come after 47,000 complaints were received before transmission. But the corporation has denied BBC Two controller Roly Keating was in hiding.
The musical, which has been in London theatres for three years, features Jesus, Mary and God as guests on Springer's TV show and up to 300 swear words.
Read the whole article here...
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Recent Jerry Springer Article from the UK
"Tales of the Angry Women" - Jerry Springer Show notes 3/14/2005
Segment 2 - A boyish looking lesbian is complaining how her girlfriend has been messing around with her old man. She says that her girlfriend is not bi-sexual but Jerry points out the obvious. They release the man from the back and the dyke and the boyfriend exchange words for awhile. The girl they are fighting over says that the sex with her old boyfriend never meant anything. She gets on her knees and pleads for her lesbian girlfriend back. She accepts.
Segment 3 - A black women on stage is here to confess to her boyfriend that she has been prostituting. She says he is not bringing home the money and she wants the finer things in life. She says she makes more then Jerry. Jerry smiles. She says she wants diamonds in her wine glass and then they can talk again.
Segment 4 - A fat black women with blonde hair and no teeth is here to confess to her boyfriend that she slept with his cousin. She says her boyfriend is running the streets and is a momma's boy. The cousin is released and he looks like a dirty sanchez. He has an afro and dirt on his face. His clothes look like they were taken out of the gutter. She says all she wanted was sex and yells at him to sit down over and over. Her boyfriend does not take her back.
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Jerry Springer Uncut
If you've been looking for the Jerry Springer Uncut videos, here they are:
Jerry Springer Uncut
Friday, March 11, 2005
"Movin' In A Mistress" - Jerry Springer Show notes 3/11/2005
Segment 1 - A boyish looking black male named "Chris" is hear to confess to his transexual boyfriend "Mya" that he had a one night stand with a women and she is pregnant. Mya appears very unattractive and has an obsenely wide nose. Once Mya hears the news they begin to brawl out on stage. Both shirts are ripped off both of the gays! At first It was weird because the show did not block out the transvestites chest (because it was still 100% male looking I guess) and he was dressed in drag. So it looked funny seeing what appeared to be a girl, topless on cable TV. The one-night stand walks out on stage and she is a very overweight white women in her teens. She begins to swing at Mya the transvestite and Mya fights back. At the end the white girl's mom walks out on stage and bitches out the black kid that knocked her up.
Segment 2 - A skinny black man says that he is sleeping with him and her wife's roomate. He brags about how he runs a business and how she says the work is breaking them apart. She comes out and is furious at him. He says she is lazy and doesn't help around at the house. She swings at him and they exchange words. They release the girlfriend from the back. The two black bitches battle it out on stage ripping each others hair out. The girlfriend seems to be in exceptionally better shape compared to his wife. The idiot fuck black guy is standing on stage with his shirt and pants off with a tie on because the crowd chanted "take off your pants" earlier. He is horridly skinny and can be compared to a tree twig. The crowd begins to yell "whore whore whore" and the skinny black guy and his girlfriend are screaming profanity at the crowd while certain individuals show insults back. At the end, the black man decides he wants a divorce from his wife.
Segment 3 - A latina looking women on stage found out that her ex-roomate is sleeping with her man. She suprisingly is half-way decent looking with a moderate sized chest. They release the "other girl Elicia" from back stage and she charges the girlfriend. They battle it out on stage for awhile and then the man is released from back stage. He is a average looking mexican who looks twice the age of both these women. I am suprised that has these women fighting over him. He is even missing a tooth!!! He ends up picking his new girlfriend over his old.
****Best comment audience was actually a comment from the mexican on stage in response to an audience member comment: "How old are you? Are you going to sleep around your whole life?"
The mexican man responds "I probably slept with your mother"... HAHAHAHAHAHAA!
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Update - "You'll Never Marry My Brother" 3/10/2005
Jerry revisits an old episode that originally aired on April 29 1998. Jerry looks different but he still looks old! Hahaha, just kiddin Jerry!
A young women and her boyfriend were on the show before. They got married on the show last time and vowed to be with each other for the rest of their lives.
4 days later they get a divorce.
Now they are back on the show and she has too many boyfriends at one time but says she is sincere to her latest boyfriend. Jerry reveals that a guy called up to the show and said he was with her now, she wasn't aware he was her... it was another boyfriend! The boyfriends did not know about each other but now they do! But her latest boyfriend is going to give her another chance after the other breaks up with her. A third old boyfriend is an annoying latino person and he asks Jerry (as if they were in private) "did I talk too much Jerry?" when he was asked to leave for a second. Jerry replied "no" and shook his head to the audience. Hahahaha.
Robert Buttersworth, the therapist, comes out and preaches to the guests about how they need to handle their relationships. The audience replies with concerned and thought out questions, UNLIKE today's Jerry Springer Show where they chant "Go to Oprah!" if you do this. Yes, the show has changed quite a bit over the years and is ever-evolving. But we love it!
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Jerry Springer Tickets
If you are in the chicago area and you would like to see a live taping of Jerry Springer for FREE, simply:
Call (800) - 96 - JERRY or (312) 321- 5365 or write to:
Jerry Springer Tickets
454 N. Columbus Drive
Chicago, IL 60611
There it is folks! The info you need to get your Jerry Springer tickets!
"Secrets Erupt" - Jerry Springer Show notes 3/09/2005
Segment 1 - A hispanic women is very pissed off at this other girl who is constantly persuing her man! The "other women" runs out on stage and takes a grab hold of the wife's hair! Her hair is nearly ripped out of her head In an attempt to fight back, the wife nearly rips off the "other womens" shirt exposing her breasts. After that she gets a huge chunk of the other womens hair! The boyfriend comes out blocking his face from his wife. The two bitches battle it out on stage some more. He admits that he never really wanted his wife sexually. She begins to whip his ass while the crowd chants "get the loser!" over and over.
Segment 2 - A cowboy says he feels his girl has not accepted him for who he is. He wants to tell his wife that he likes to wear womens underwear! He used to wear his moms silk panties and it made him feel sexy! He begins to strip to reveal his womens underwear. A black women spouts out and insult and shows her black tits. The crowd is horrified but plays it off. A voice from the background yells "dance with the cowboy!", so the crowd follows the chant "dance with the cowboy!, dance with the cowboy!!" and the black women rushes up on stage to dance with the cowboy while they played hillbilly banjo music! His girlfriend comes out and is pissed. He proposes to her anyway. She cries and says she doesnt know because NOW her kids will be hurt after seeing her father like this, since they watch jerry springer!! hahahahahhahahaha.
****Best comment from the audience: "Are you both going to wear the dress at the wedding cowboy?"
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
"Leavin' you and Lovin' it" - Jerry Springer Show notes 3/8/05
Brief summary from tonights show!
Segment 1 - A women is mad that her husband of 11 years is in a relationship with another women, whom SHE introduced to her husband in the first place because her child was friends with theirs. The two women confront each other on stage and brawl it out! The husband comes out and watches the women brawl some more. He says that his love for his wife has passed. He is overweight and suprisingly enough getting this half-way decent looking whore. She says hes the best man shes ever met. Hahaha.
Segment 2 - A young black man in business attire says that he slept with a man. He seems to think that he is still straight and is NOT gay. Hes here to confess to his girlfriend of 4 years that he cheated with a girl. The girl rushes out and lunges at his girlfriend with fists in the air. Her shirt nearly comes off. Then he confesses that he made love to a man "on accident." The gay black man man runs out on stage and he is gayer then ever! The gay man rushes in for a kiss and the other pushes him away ready to fight him. They scrap it out on the floor like the couple of queers that they are! Steve and the others stare at them laughing before they break it up! The gay man was whooping the shit out of the straight man who was pointing a finger in his face like a bitch.
***Best comment from the audience - "once you've been with a man, your gay for the rest of your life!"
Monday, March 07, 2005
Jerry's Tax Plan
This was taken from http://www.springerontheradio.com
Jerry is fleshing out a unique federal tax plan, one that is fair, simple to understand, good for the economy and capable of raising the revenue we need.
His spin is to make a consumption tax graduated. In other words, you would pay your national taxes on what you spend, not on what you earn.
The tax form would have only several lines. One for what you made this year, all inclusive. Another for the money you saved or invested. Subtract line two from line one. Whatever you earned and didn't save you spent. Tax that amount.
But do it on a graduated basis. The first $20,000 you spend is tax free. It's survival stuff. But put a 10 percent tax on the amount above that up to $80,000. Then as you go up, the percentage rises in increments up to, say, 40 percent at the top.
What do you think?
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Jerry Springer Interview
Here is a link to a Jerry Springer interview, enjoy!
Jerry Springer Interview
Jerry Springer Uncensored
If you've had trouble finding the Jerry Springer Uncensored video collection, here it is. I have every one of these videos and they are all great. These are a must have for any true Jerry Springer Fan.
Jerry Springer Uncensored Videos
Friday, March 04, 2005
"Betrayed Brides" - Jerry Springer Show notes 3/4/05
Here is a brief summary of the show from tonight:
Segment 1 - A former stripper (trinity) is furious because her ex boyfriend (dijon) is getting married to another women (ashanti). The two women battle it out on stage with the fiance in a wedding dress! The couple are getting married on the show and trinity refuses to let it happen. She rushes the couple everytime they try.
Segment 2 - A man tells his bride that he does not want her, but instead he wants to marry a man! A fat gay man comes running out from behind the scene, its his lover! His ex girlfriend sobs behind the stage as the two gay men wed.
Segment 3 - A man becomes engaged with 2 different women! The two wannabe brides battle it out on stage for the groom.
**Best comment from the audience: ""weren't you on that show 'too fat for the queer guy?'"
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Welcome to the Jerry Springer Show blog! This blog will try to keep you up to date on the Jerry Springer Show news and the likes. We will bring you something new as often as we can. Jerry Springer has been doing his TV show for a long time now and he has a very dedicated fan base. Hopefully the true Jerry Springer fans out there will recognize this blog and return as often as they can! JERRY JERRY JERRY!